My Son:

I thought my girlfriend was PG, so I put $5 in the collection box on the wall of a church.

First sin....5 bucks (What were you thinking...even US bucks!!!) is way too light...and if you had read the "Tarif for Donations" you'd see that this situation falls into the "Section 22" rate.... $40 - $55....and at TCOTLWC we insist on having ATM's no collection plates here...no messin around...also stops antics likes yours.

...and what's with "PG?" I shudder to think what other phrases are used between you two...was this an immaculate conception?

When she discovered that she wasn't, I snuck back in and took it out.

Well, obviously $5 was OK then I guess??? (I hate when that happens)

But that you went back and took it out... has she recently gotten the urge to eat Marmite sandwiches with chocolate sauce and pickles?

Will I go to Hell???

Nah...but for 4 easy payments of $39.95 we can have a "Hell Simulator" delivered to you FedEX...leave a message for Sister Ronko and she'll arrange it... and if you order now we will include  ABSOLUTELY FREE  the complete set of Apostle steak knives. (12 of them...count em!!!)

Who will I see there???

In hell you'd see the normal folks... people like:

Bill Gates (Is he dead?)
All detractors of the "Flat Earth" theory...
Anyone who whistled "Achy Breaky Heart" as their dying words
All the folks that were buried in caskets worth more than my house
And...
Bambi

Now for your Penance...( A reminder. Have you arranged the auto payment plan??)

Anyway...

1. You must immediately go and get a T-shirt made....saying

"I love everybody!" on the front...on the back "You're next!"

2. Take a "Biker" to lunch at a nice Restaurante Novello spot of your choice

3. Tell your girlfirend that you seem to be experiencing sympathetic morning sickness

That'll hold ya....

FM

©2001. Pete Mosley. All rights reserved.